Thursday, December 08, 2005

MY X-MAS GIFT TO YOU


I am giving you some beauty tips to show my love this holiday season. Why? Because I CARE about you, and you, and you, and you. Also, because I do not like to see people not living up to their true potential. This annoys me and makes me want to change them.

Yes make-up and the like is superficial, but I am not. In fact, I am dead, dead serious. People NEED to make an effort. You may think you are beautiful just the way you are, but you are not. Sorry. Now, by make an effort, I don't mean that we all need to get all fancied up to go to the store, see a movie, or even go to work. For the two former instances, I am usually drop dead frightful, and for the latter, I'm happy being clean and properly dressed. The effort I'm talking about is when you are supposed to look good, i.e.: parties, clubs, nights out, special events, etc. So, to help make it easier (and do you a world of good), here are my tips for the ladies and the laddies.
P.S.-You don't have to thank me. A little less harshness in the world is all the thanks I require!

1) THE ESSENTIAL ITEM
SMASHBOX PHOTO FINISH
This stuff will do for you what the soft focus lens does for Barbara Walters. Trust me, it's strange, but it's great. It is light and clear and absorbs immediately into your skin. It is supposed to be a base for foundation, but I don't wear foundation, so I just put it on over my moisturizer. The magic lies in the fact that it smooths out your skin by making it appear ever so slightly blurry. The first time you use it, you'll be shocked, but you will soon see the genius in not letting people see the real you! Yes, it is a bit pricey, but for f---'s sake, people, it's worth it!



2) THE FUN HOLIDAY TOY
Too Faced Lip Injection
This shit is just good fun. It burns the hell out of your lips until they are so irritated, they start to fight back and swell! It actually works (albeit only for about 15 mins.), unlike Lip Venom, or I assume, all the cheaper drugstore lip plumpers. It comes in clear or tinted (as I have) and you can wear it alone or over lipstick.
It is worth the $18 to apply, scream and then feel all sexy with your beestung lips and tearing eyes! Believe me-wink, wink, cry, cry
.

3) A STEAL!
Le Prep H
Believe me, I hate the fact that this is now a part of my site, but it must be mentioned. This miracle cream is the reason, in fact, for my beauty diatribe today.

In the last few years, most mornings I feel awake, but my eyes tell a different story. Occasionally, this is due to a late night, but more often it is due to allergies, humidity in the air, or god knows (ageing?!?) I had always heard about the anti eye-swelling benefits of Prep H, but had been loathe to even be seen buying it, much less putting it on my very face!Well, one too many mornings of puffed out eyes and co-workers asking if I was ok, or tired, or had a late night led me to the ass aisle of my drugstore.

Long story short: this shit works! I put the arse cream on my eyes this morning and watched their puffiness banish to oblivion. Just rub some on the top and bottom lids. You can put it on before starting to get ready and wash it off in the shower, or, I suppose you can put make up over it, though this will be rather greasy. This morning, I slathered the shit on, threw on some eyeliner, and was out the door!

Hint: if you are self-conscious and afraid someone you are trying to get to know better will happen to open your medicine cabinet and find this atrocity, buy a little container and empty the tube into it. Now you can say it's expensive eye-cream from France made from the finest crushed pearls and anti-oxidants! Haha, but you and I will know the truth and will be better for it!

4) FOR THE BOYS

1. Do not buy this or ANY OTHER "men's makeup". Just don't.

2. Do use mild soap like
Dove on your face just so it's not dried out.

3. Do use a Dove or other drugstore moisturizer if your face is dry and/or flaking. (This is just common sense as using any type of lotion is.) But DO NOT spend money on expensive skincare products. It's just not attractive-blah. Also, do not buy expensive shaving stuff. The old
Barbasol will do you just fine!

4. Do wear a hot cologne like,
Bulgari Aqua, or Chanel Allure Homme, but DO NOT over do it!!! A little bit of a good scent will win points for men and women alike, but too much (on a guy) will make you smell like a hairy pimp!

So that's it. I hope this important information makes your X-mas a little brighter and your New Year a little prettier! Now, I'm off to finish Ulysses. Tata!

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